- police: *knock knock*
- me: whos there
- police: theres been an accident
- me: theres been an accident who
I need to start just start depositing all of my paychecks into my savings account.
so that when I go to Disney.
I’ll have a bajillion dollars to spend on Princess crap.
WOAH, WOAH, WOAH. I take an extreme amount of issue with this bullshit right here…
Dolphins are bitches? *DING DING* Here comes the Education train. Your amateur ass is about to get some learning. Let’s list the ways in which Dolphins kick more ass than sharks.
- Dolphins charm the ladies. That’s right, when trying to woo a female, male dolphins will gather sticks, seaweed, and other plant life to present it to a female in order to impress them. So they can have sex, which brings me to my next point…
- Dolphins, are one of the very few animals that have sex for fun.
- They have refined taste palates. They can discern food tastes of sweet, sour, bitter, and salty
- They are trained to be used as soldiers to help protect military complexes.
- They’re one of the only animals other than humans that can recognized themselves in a mirror
- They have an acute sense of hearing. They can hear on frequency that is greatly superior to that of humans
- They give themselves names: ”Recent research shows that dolphins can call out to each other specifically, by mimicking the distinct whistle of the dolphin they want. They do it to identify objects as well.”
- They have midwives: ”When a dolphin gives birth, a dolphin “midwife” is there to help make sure the baby is delivered safely. The other dolphins in the community will circle the one giving birth to protect it from any intruders or eager Aunts with cameras.”
- They are synchronized swimmers
- They use tools, like broken off sea sponges to protect their noses.
- They’ve been known to work with whales AND HUMANS to hunt for food and maximize their fish intake
- Speaking of whales, the ORCA, yes the same type of whale as FREE-FUCKING-WILLY is actually the largest Dolphin
- And most importantly. Why are dolphins not bitch sharks? Not only are they the only marine animal that kills for fun. THEY KILL SHARKS. So suck it Jaws.